Jealous Or Envy

Do you know how to differentiate the difference between Jealousy and envy? I do and i really do. Whenever i am envy of someone, I still feeling happy for them but when i feel jealous of someone, the feeling of anger and hatred is there. You hope that the person would fail one day. Have a bad fall or whatever. I will start to make comparison. Why she/he able to achieve it yet i couldn't. I know it's bad feeling this way but who isn't? Be frank. I know everyone has that kind of feeling before.

I know i shouldn't feel jealous of one's happiness or achievement. It's totally wrong but i just couldn't control my feeling. I feel down and sad the whole time and try to find all kind of bad points or weaknesses of that person but deep down in my heart, i know this person has no flaws at all. Some people are born to be lucky. Just like some people are born with silver spoon.

The feeling of jealousy is there, i will try to avoid that person totally. No contact whatsoever because i don't want to make myself feel even worse. What's wrong want me to congratulate that person. You may as well kill me.

I have this kind of feeling recently. I know i shouldn't but i can't control myself. I start to hate myself to the extend i don't know how to laugh anymore. The bitter feeling is always there. I try to drown myself by watching tv whole day long to wipe away the feeling of jealousy. But after switching off the tv set, my mind starts to work on its own again. I just can't stop myself.

I hate it. I really hate it. Not even riceball can console me nor make me happy.