Sad & Miserable

I feel sad and miserable today. Everyone has their own happiness why it's so hard for me to find my own happiness? I have tried to remain calm and try to forget but i just couldn't let go. It's hard to let go. It's hard to act as though nothing has ever happened. It's hard to put a smile in front but it's terribly hurt inside.

I have tried many ways to make myself happy but i just couldn't smile at all. I become bad-tempered. Unhappy. Hard to get along with. I don't want to talk nor face anyone at all. I just want to be alone. All alone without any accompaniment.

Where is my order?!

I have made another purchase online two days ago. The seller suppose to send my item to my through post express. But until now i am not able to track it. I have called the pos hotline but they told me that there isn't any record. I'm getting worried now. It's either the seller hasn't send out or the item is lost in the mail. I am really very worry now. Though the item which i bought is less than RM50 but it's still my hard earned money.

Recently i made another purchase which costs more than RM100 and i hope it won't lose again. Touchwood !.. I start to distrust the online sellers now. Isn't it suppose to be next day delivery? Why isn't any tracking no for me or either that the tracking no not working?

I have made a lot of purchase online before and most of the time the transactions go smoothly without any problem from the sellers. But recently everything not smooth at all. It either stucks or no tracking no for me. I feel so doubtful about them.

I think i better stop doing my shopping online. I don't want to lose my hard-earned money. Though it's cheaper by maybe 20%-50% when buy online but i don't feel secure especially when the sellers don't keep their promise by sending on the next day.

I feel so sad now........:(

Another Sad Day

Today is another sad day of my life. I am soo sad now. Full of disappointment again. Why i do not have such luck?

I am totally saddened now. I feel time passes so slow today. I feel extremely sad now. How i wish i can go home now and cry.

I am totally devastated.

I am in deep trouble

UPDATE: Pheww!!!!... Nothing happened. It can go through. Thank GOD !

Yes, i am in deep trouble today. I might lose Rm100 today for nothing. I have accidentally keyed in the wrong stupid contract no for the PTPTN. damn it !.

Though the ID no is correct but i am afraid it couldn't go through due to the wrong contract no. SHIT !. What the hell am i doing recently? I keep making mistakes. I am in trance....

If it can't go through, i have to fork out another RM100 to replace it. That means i am losing RM100. I think if riceball read this, he is going to kill me for making such a stupid mistakes.

I am given the responsibility to pay the monthly bills yet i make such a stupid mistake. I should be scolded. I should be punished.

Now, i am another RM100 poorer.

Pray hard that the RM100 can go through. Else, i am going to kill myself.

Parking Phobia

I hate parking. I think my parking skill is terrible. Whether it's L parking, reverse parking or even side parking. I just can't park properly. What's more my car is just a small car. I don't think i can ever drive big car like 4WD, mini van and etc.

It really take me years to park a car in a parking lot. It's really embarrassing especially if that area has a lot of cars waiting for parking. sigh...... Other drivers will start honking me.

I think i am developing a phobia for parking......

Importance Of A Camera

Now i know the importance of bringing a camera around when you go out. Whenever anything happened, you can just snap a photo as an evidence. I regret for not bringing camera around. Sigh......

I should not save on camera handphone. At least anything important you can straightaway snap a photo. Today's incident is the best example. If i have brought a camera, i could have taken the photos of that idiotic fella.

His car no plate is PHH 9612 driving black colored satria neo working in RENESAS KEDAH. He gave me the phone no but he never pick up no matter how many times i called him and smsed him. I think he is dead in his office ! Tooo coward to show up. I should put a big notice in front of his office. Damn it !.

From this incident onwards, i will always bring a camera around when i go out during weekend. And maybe i will save some money to buy a camera handphone.

Black Friday ( 27/2/2009)

UPDATE: That drive has already compensated us. But it still bring inconvenience for us because we only have a car to work and if we bring it to the mechanic, how do we go to work? Troublesome....

Today not suppose to be a black friday because it's not friday the 13th but who cares about that. I am terribly down and angry today. I got into an accident. My car is already freaking ugly with all the stratches and bums and now it got bang again at the buttock. What the hell men !.

That drive is extremely stupid ! Or i should say deaf !. Riceball and I have already tried our best to avoid you by honking trying to go to the other land but you still come out and bang us. He purposely did it one is it? I hate NEO SATRIA NOW !. Stupid CAR !. He thinks his car very 'yeng' so he can drive how he likes is it? Does he know what is called dangerous?

And now we are lost. We do not know what else to do. Not sure whether the phone no which he gave us is correct one or not. Never even try. We are in trauma now. I totally have no mood to work now. Why are we so unlucky. Friday suppose to be a happy day because it's the last day of the working day for each week. It's time to relax and now we are suffering due to the car bang.

Plus, we have so many things to do tomorrow. How can we have no car?

I am too angry for words now!!!

Forgive and Forget

How many of us can really forgive and forget? I admit that I can't do so. Especially the person who has hurt me is my close friend or my family. I can forgive but i can never forget. Why? The pain has already inflicted to me. His/She is your closest friend or your family member who you thought will always protect you but instead she/he hurts you. How are you able to forget ?


The pain will always be there no matter how hard i try to forget it. Unless you knock my head very hard till i lost my memory else forget it. I will never forget.


It's just like a scar. Though a wound has healed, but due to the seriousness of the wound, the mark remains there.


As a result, the closeness is not there anymore. Everything is not the same anymore. I would start to doubt that person. When she/he will hurt me again. He/she has lost his/her place in my heart forever. Yes, i can still joke and laugh around with you but the barrier is always there. I can't treat you as well as last time. Sometimes, i might even give u cold treatment or throw tantrum at you because i can't totally ignore the pain.


Do not hurt a person no matter who the person is because once you have hurt the person, the relationship will never be the same again. You can apologize for million times but the scar is forever in his/her heart.


I have hurt and i have been hurt. To me, time can never heal a wound. Time can only turn a wound into a scar.

Black Monday

Today is a black monday for me. Not because i need to work but because of disappointment. There will always be a day where i will be come very sad and moody and desperate...

Sorry... i am not going to reveal what i am feeling sad about. If i talk about it, it's more like rubbing salt to my own wounds... Well, i think i will keep it to myself...

Who knows, when i talk about it, i might cry............. ( sob . sob. ).

Till then...