Digi: For Those Who Love to Save

If anyone of you are interested to do some charity but does not have the money, no worry. Digi can help you to fulfill your dream. All you need to do is just click on the this link and choose the organization which you would like Digi to donate. You can choose from Nature, Health and Social. Digi will donate RM5 for each click to that particular organization which you have chosen. Each person can only click once.

You can also click on the banner to support the group that i have supported. :)

suppose to be me.

I am suppose to be on leave today but instead my boss is the one on leave today. What to do... everything is not under my control. I can't control anything. Anyway, i won't brood over it anymore. Over is over. Life has to go on. I just can hope for the best.

Ever since....

Ever since the recent failure, i am very more depress than ever. It seems like no matter what i do, i can't seem to concentrate. It affects my work badly. Very badly in fact. I am thinking should i resign or wait for my boss to fire me. No one knows how i feel. No one knows how much i have to endure the pain of failure. I know that the percentage of success is very slim but i still want to ''gamble". In the end, i lost. I am suppose to go in for the result next Tuesday, but now, i don't even need to go there anymore. Because i have failed the 'test'.

The hurt and pain that i go through now is terrible. I am in total lost. I start to get jealous. I start to hate. I start to make comparison. I feel guilty when i laugh or smile. Because i am a already a loser. I have no right to laugh nor smile like others.

I HATE MYSELF

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate mylife. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life.

I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid. I am stupid.

I detest myself. I detest myself. I detest myself. I detest myself. I detest myself. I detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself. i detest myself.

I am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad. i am very sad.

i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed. i am depressed.

i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless. i am useless.........................

Hopeless.....

It's hopeless. No matter what i do, can never prevent it from happening. if it wants to happen. It will happen no matter what i do. Whether i want it or not, it still happens. It's hurt. It really hurt. But i still have to face the fact. I still have to face it everyday. The pain that i need to endure is too much now. Nothing can take the pain away from me. Time will heal but the scar will always be there. No matter what i do, the pain can never heal. NEVER and will forever be there......

I don't understand.

My mum isn't like last time anymore. Last time she never take me and compare with other people but now she will do that. Whenever i have any problem, she will just say "aiya, whoever also got the same problem and bla bla bla..." In fact, i hate it. I have told her many times that i hate it. I hate this kind of comparison. I called her because i need someone to console me and understand me. But she just like to quote someone else problem and make comparison. Why? When I was young, she wasn't like that. She would listen to me. She would console me. She was the one who told me that not to compare but now she keep making comparison.

Doesn't she know it hurts? It really hurts. I just need someone to listen to me. I just need someone to console me. Even if it's just a word of consolation. But she just can't do so. This makes me reluctant to call home. Reluctant to share my sadness and happiness with her anymore. I feel that i am getting more and more distance from her.

Now, she doesn't care so much about me anymore. I still remember, when i was very depressed and sad, she would call me several times. But now no more. No more calls. Not even a word of concern. I hate the feeling. But i have to face the fact. Everyone will change. So does my mum. She has changed too.

I have no one to turn to anymore now. I feel even lonelier and more depressed.

I always tell myself. Never make comparison. Because everyone is different. But i am wrong. Because as a human. You will definitely make comparison. It's hard to accept but i just have to accept it.

Why?!!!???

Why so many bad things happening to me now? One after another. It's really scary. I feel that it's bad omen. I am very scared now. My results is next week. I am not looking forward to it. In fact, i hope the day will not come. But i am afraid to face the results. What if................. what should i do? I am so worry now. How do i work now? How can i work now? I don't know what i should do now. I feel so worry. I feel so depressed. I am sooo in dilemma. I am feeling extremely down and sad now.

I want to know the result but at the same time i don't want to know too. I am afraid to face the reality. I am afraid to know. Because i am already waited for so long. I have already prayed hard for it. I only can hope for the best now.

I just wish God will help me. I just wish my dream will come true soon...

Scared & worry. How to work?????